April 24? & 30, 1942
Any pride you may have had in my aviation career here has, I fear, been unjustified, and any worries Ive had have proved only too justified, though they probably didnt help much. The truth is that Ive probably washed out as a flier, having got a down, an up, and then yesterday, unluckily a very windy day, another downall on Squadron Time, and though Ive asked for more time, it is extremely unlikely Ill get it. What then?
Well I must be prepared to try my hand at something else. Naturally my feelings are mixed. Im disappointed in myself and somewhat humiliated at the prospect of not being allowed to finish something I planned to finish just because Im not good enough, but there is also a sense of relief from the strain of something I found difficult and fatiguing. As I see it, the reasons for failing are a combination of slowness to catch on and extreme nervousness during checks, so not only was I not very good at best but tense as well. With a number of downs one is apt to lose confidence even if one knows one can or thinks one can get by, but the question is will one get by. Navigation has undoubtedly taken it out of me not a little every morning or afternoon weve had it, there having been a daily quiz, which Ive usually nowhere near finished hence failed, for the last several weeks. With the general importance of navigation and the trouble I have with it, making careless errors again and again, but apparently unavoidably because of numerous tables, measurements, etc., as well as being just plain slow, maybe its all just as well Im not destined to be a naval aviator. That I could get by I still consider a possibility if they gave me more time, but its undoubtedly questionable.
I havent had much of a chance to consider other possibilities, but have compiled a list for suggestions sake. It follows:
- Coast Guard
- Army Air CorpsBombardier
- Submarine School
- Regular Army
- Naval Intelligence
- Lighter-than-Air (Lakehurst)Navy
Of these the first is most likely, I guess. A high percentage of fellows who wash out of flying here are offered A.V.S. (Aviation Volunteer ServiceI think) commissions, which result into ground school teaching or any of several odd jobs, but this needs more investigation.
Pa, thanks for news, check (is that actually wrong?) and amusing clipping about Francis Russell.
Am amazed that Squam is well up. I thought it would take several years to recover.
Your wildflower notes remind me of last spring, Pa, when I was frantically collecting them by the dozen. You and Ma and Nance take a look at my collection sometime. Its fairly representative and is in the cupboard below the one where the shells are. There are a few spring wildflowers here abouts, but neither they nor the bird migration is much in evidence.